The Late Night Adventures of a Tired Pirate Mama

It’s the middle of the night, about 4 am, and a little one cries out. I roll myself to the edge of my bed and slide out. It’s hard to walk because I am so tired. As I make my way across the hallway to go see why Leo is crying, I try my hardest to avoid stepping on the toys that have somehow made their way into the hallway. Lord knows I don’t want to wake any of the other kids by making too much noise.

As I peek in on him I ask, “What’s wrong, Muffin?” He just cries in reply to me. I tell him to get his pillow and to come to my room. He stands up. Because I wasn’t home when he was put to bed, I had no idea he would only be wearing a pair of pirate pants to bed, no shirt, just the pants. He looks adorable with his sleepy eyes and black and red pirate pants. Dragging his pillow behind him, his pacifier firmly in his mouth, pirate pants swishing, he eagerly follows me into my room. I smile.

Leo pirate

Having hard time keeping my eyes open, I make a pallet for him on the floor beside my bed. He climbs in quickly and begins to fall asleep. I do as well.

Just a short while later I hear him at my door. “Leo, what are you doing? Lay back down.” Mike mumbles that he thinks Leo already went out of the door. I get up to check. It’s dark in the room and I am blind without my glasses and so I reach out among the shadows, hoping my hands will find him. They do.

He is standing by the door trying to get out but unable to. I guide him back towards the pallet on the floor and it dawns on me that maybe he was trying to get up to go to the bathroom. I reach down to feel his pants to make sure they are dry… my hand encounters sopping wet silky pirate pants. I sigh.

Instead of the pallet I lead him to our bathroom. Clicking on the light makes both of us grimace. I strip him down, clean him up, and tell him to hop up on the toilet to go potty. He does. While he’s sitting there I look at the floor where he was lying down. Beside it looks like someone took a huge glass of water and just poured it on the floor. I sigh again.

I check on Leo and then we start the search for something for him to wear. It never fails that the kids leave their clothes all over my bathroom and bedroom. None can be found. I look in Mike’s hamper of dirty clothes; nothing. I look in mine; nothing again. Seriously, there has to be one pair of undies, one pair of shorts or jeans, or one pair of jammies. Nope. Nada. Nothing.

I start thinking. I really don’t want to go into the boys’ room to find clothes. I know it will wake up the others. I’m left with only one viable option. Leo is going to wear a pair of my panties.

Ok, before you ask “What the heck?!” remember that I am sleep deprived and frustrated. I know, you’ve seen me and are thinking to yourself that there’s no way my underwear could come close to fitting a two year old boy. You would be right.

But sometimes, in the still of the night when your brain isn’t working quite right, you look past the obvious and just try to get by. Mama’s panties it is!

I open my drawer and try to find the smallest underwear I own. Problem is… I don’t own any small underwear. Have you seen my butt? I pull out a pair of huge, white granny panties and I hold them up. Leo is standing in front of me. Suddenly his little hiney and his itty bitty boy bits look even smaller with my underwear held in front of him.

I tell myself it’s going to work.

I have him step into the grandiose undies. They are ginormous on him. I rack my brain trying to figure out how to secure his tiny butt into the overly spacious bloomers.

Safety pins! That’ll do it!

Crap, I gave the box of safety pins to Emma and she didn’t bring them back upstairs.

Suddenly I have an idea. I’ll get a ponytail holder and tie it on one side all 80s side pony style. That’ll work for sure!

deb side pony

Leo is patient with me but he seems to act like he knows this is not the best plan I have ever come up with.

He’s apparently thinking clearer than I am. The 80s side pony doesn’t work; the colossal underwear slide down his legs. We are back to square one.

I want to cry. I just want to sleep.

Wait a minute… we still have some diapers in the hall closet from when Leo did wear diapers.

I’m like a ninja creeping out of my room and opening the hall closet. It creaks. Dang it! Still, it seems no one wakes up. I grab a coveted diaper and sneak back into my room.

Leo sees the diaper in my hand and almost breathes a sigh of relief. He’s not going to have to wear his mama’s panties after all.

He climbs on the bed and allows me to mush his (suddenly huge) tooshie into a diaper that is clearly too small for him. He doesn’t care and neither do I.

He lies down on my bed, in my place, and I proceed to clean up the floor.

I climb in bed beside him and kiss his little pirate face, thankful to be finally going to sleep once again.

Not one of my better parenting moments but definitely one I won’t forget! Parenting is not for the weak of heart… there is always an adventure to be found! And of course, the treasures we find are worth more than gold.

leo sleeping


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