My Husband’s Mistress

In honor of National Law Enforcement week I would like to share with you something I wrote in July 2007. The sentiment still stands true today. I’ve updated the years we’ve been together but the rest remains the same. I feel very blessed to be married to a police officer and even though it requires a tremendous amount of sacrifice on both our parts I can’t see living any other way.

law enforcementLast week my friend emailed me something. It was titled “My Husband’s Mistress”. As I read it I understood immediately what she was talking about and emailed her back that I knew what she meant as I was in her same shoes; that my husband had a mistress too and has for a long time.

You might ask why I put up with her. I’ve been around far longer than she has that’s for sure. Mike and I started dating our sophomore year in high school making it 26 years that we’ve been together. You’d think that I have priority status but that’s not always so. I can’t count the number of times that she has interfered with our family life. Mike has missed so many birthdays, our anniversary, holidays, vacations, the kids’ activities, dinner with his family, medical emergencies, and once almost the birth of one of the little girls because of her!

So why do I put up with her? I put up with her because she is a part of my husband too. Without her I know he wouldn’t be the person he is. Mike has one of the biggest hearts, he is tough yet loveable, he’s sincere, he’s dedicated, he’s a great father, he’s a great husband, he’s an amazing man. I know without her in his life he’d be missing something. I can’t take that away from him. It would devastate him. I know that there are times when the kids and I are going to take a backseat to her. He’s never shy about telling me he’s spending time with her but does make it known that there are times when there’s no compromise… it’s her time and not us. Sometimes that is really, really hard to take.

Being a police officer is Mike’s passion and with it comes this persistent mistress. She is every meth house he goes to bust; she’s the drug heads he arrests and the children that he takes out of dangerous homes; the informants who page him all hours to tell him that Jimmy is at it again. She’s the mothers who call on my daughter’s birthday while we are singing to her who want him to save her daughter who is in jail yet again; she’s the idiots who blow up a house making meth on Christmas and takes my husband away from his children’s celebration. She’s his partners whom he would lay his life down for and who he knows would do the same for him. She’s the communities that he works to protect. She’s the people in that community, both the good and the bad whom he would gladly give his life if he is called to save one of their lives (even those who wouldn’t shed a tear at him dying). She’s the neighbors who come to our house to ask for reassurance that they are working on taking down the drug dealer who has moved into our neighborhood. She seems to be everywhere. She’s not only in my husband’s life but firmly rooted into ours as well.

When I emailed my friend back letting her know that she wasn’t alone she wrote me back to thank me for validating her feelings… both her detest of her husband’s mistress but also that there are others who understand why she puts up with her. There are some police wives/husbands who are not understanding about their spouse’s vocation. They don’t understand that sometimes (many times) you have to take a backseat to the job. Being a police officer, but especially an undercover cop, requires so much of your time. It’s not a 9-5 job. Drug dealers don’t just stop dealing or making drugs when the quitting bell rings. They often make them on Christmas, on Easter, or on the day my child is going to be born. They don’t care what our schedule is and so we have to adapt to their schedule. It really stinks at times but I know that it’s not just my husband’s sacrifice but our family’s as well.

Marriage is accepting your spouse for who they are and not trying to change them. My husband is a police officer. I know that it is in his blood. He was born to do this. It is who he is. I know if I asked him to quit he would… he loves me that much. He would sacrifice his happiness for mine. But I wouldn’t be happy knowing that he has given up something that is so dear to his heart and that is truly a part of him. It would be like asking me not to be a mother, to not ever have any more children. This is who I am. My husband understands that and is happy to help me be the person that God has called me to be. My job, as his wife, is to do the same for him. Mike is a police officer. I am so proud of him and I am willing to sacrifice a lot for him. I’m not sure that many know how much we sacrifice not only so Mike can do his job but so that they can be safe!

As much as I hate her at times I love her too and I know she is a major part of my husband’s life. I know she isn’t going anywhere even though I have the power to make her disappear. I’ve decided that Mike’s happiness makes me happy, and so, I sacrifice and allow her to be a part of all our lives.

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